33 Weeks

Look at those lips & cheeks! I just want to gobble them up!

Keller is 33 weeks today! The neonatologist came in today to take a look at Kell's puffy hands & feet. She is not thrilled with the amount of oxygen he's crept back up to needing (he was at 36% when I came in this morning). She said he's too big of a boy to be needing that much oxygen. Apparently, he's got a little fluid in his lungs so they are going to start him on a diuretic over the next couple of days. The hope is that this will help him get down to a better oxygen level. *Pray for needing minimal doses of the diuretic and healing of Keller's lungs.*
Other than that he's doing well. We got in some really nice cuddle time. He had a long meeting with B. They seem to be getting along well. I'm going home is afternoon with plans for a movie night with Micah. I think he'll just love my selection..."A Preemie Needs His Mother, First Steps to Breatsfeeding Your Premature Baby" don't you!?! Ha!

Lots of Love,
Shelly

Big Boy!

Doing his stretches

Yesterday, when Asher and I arrived at the NICU in the morning we were greeted by a 4 lb. 2 oz. Keller! He gained almost 3 oz. in a 24 hour period! I was expecting about an ounce because that seemed to be his pattern so I was shocked by his huge growth. I can't wait to see how his little cheeks fill in over the next few weeks. Since it was just Asher and me in the NICU I wasn't able to hold Keller. We had the blanket that usually covers his isolette up so we could see him. While Asher and I were playing some games on the bench, Kell was watching us like he was totally understanding what we were talking about. Asher and I both thought this was the cutest thing ever! Ash took several game breaks to walk over and talk to Kell. He was saying things like, "Hi, Keller (only it kind of sounds like killer but we will work on that) you're so cute! I love you, Keller! Keller you will grow and get big like me!" It was the sweetest thing. I love seeing him embrace his role as the big brother. I am so excited to watch Asher and Keller's relationship evolve as they mature. Micah spent the evening in the NICU for some special Kell/Daddy cuddle time. Micah looked so relaxed and happy when he got home just the look on his face made my heart so happy.

Sucking on his fingers

Lots of Love,
Shelly

*I actually had all of this typed last night, but before I posted I passed out on the couch. I'm looking forward to the day when I have my energy back!

7 Weeks

Picture of the day: Snuggles with Mommy

Keller is 7 weeks old today and it was a good day. Warning total mommy bragging moment, but he is just so stinking sweet and adorable. We had the best cuddles today. He totally passed out on my chest and it was amazing! I can't wait to go back tomorrow for more! We had our team meeting today and here's the update... Kell is now 3 lbs. 11 1/2 oz. seriously that kiddo is gaining weight like crazy! Love it!! He's still on the high flow cannula and they are hoping to wean him down on the amount of force (he's at 5.0) and the percentage of oxygen (he dances between 30 and 26 we want him to be at 21) over the next few weeks. His isolette temp is 30.1 right now, but this is also a dance. He needs to be at 28 and teased us with 29 but popped right back up. We have to celebrate the moments and trust God for the future.


Today my devotional talked about being on guard against self-pity. I have definitely thrown myself some pity parties in the past (usually princess themed since I don't have any little girls, ha!) but I have a rule about the length of the parties...they have to be short. I am not a wallower. The constant "woe is me" is not my thing and it's not something I want to teach my children. When Lazarus died Jesus wept, but He didn't sit and wallow. Granted He had the skills to bring Lazarus back to life and I don't have those skills, but I still look to His example. It's okay to be sad and to cry. I've certainly done that, but God has given me so many gifts (Micah, Grayson, Asher, Skyler, Keller, fabulous friends and family to mention a few) and I don't want to forget to be thankful for all of my blessings. If I decide to wallow in my grief to let it over shadow all of my joy it will start to kill the joy of the people I love the most. I don't want my boys to grow up under the cloud of woe. So I pray a lot for God to scoop me up and carry me through and He has. All I have to do is keep my focus on Him. Sounds so easy right!?! Ha, wish it was! Thankfully, He is patient with me and doesn't hold it against me when I forget and pull out my tiara for a little pity party (I had one during our MRSA scare). Instead, He stands by waiting for me to finish and turn back to Him. I imagine Him looking at me the way I looked at my boys when they were toddlers throwing their little tantrums waiting for them to finish so we could move on to bigger and better things. I just know He has so many wonderful things in store for me, for all of us. So I will continue to count my blessings, trust in Him, and try my best to follow His advice to guard against pity parties.

Thanks again for all the prayers, meals, & so much more! So many blessings...thank you, thank you!

Lots of Love,

Shelly

Daddy's favorite pic of the day.

Feeding Progress

One of the lactation nurses came in today to check on how I was doing and to talk about introducing him to the breast. Not to feed but more of a hello, nice to meet you, looking forward to working with you in the future, kind of thing. I had been told to look forward to this around 34 weeks but she thought it would be a good idea to just give it a try this week since he has been sucking away on nothing, his hands, and when he can get a nurse to take pity on him a pacifier. The problem preemies have is that they don't have the ability to suck, swallow, and breathe. Like most preemie's Kell desats a little when he gets too carried away with sucking so he needs to work on this skill. The introduction went better than I expected. He not only said hey, but he got up-close and personal right away. B & Kell got along famously and are looking forward to their next meeting possibly tomorrow. This working relationship is going to take a lot of time to build  up to something productive but it's exciting to know that it has started.

He's been working so hard to prep for breast feeding over the past week or two (ugh mush brain in the way once again) by taking his feeding schedule from continuous, to a feeding over the course of two hours, to to a feeding over the course of an hour every three hours, down to 45 minutes. His little belly is still getting used to getting full and he's not really comfortable with that feeling yet. He usually cries a little once his tummy starts to fill up and a full belly pushes up on his little lungs making him work harder to breathe so he desats a little during feedings. It's all part of the preemie learning curve. Overall, his feedings are doing their job. Keller is now just 4 grams shy of 3 lbs. 10 oz. and I can't believe how quickly he is growing!

Pray for Kell as he continues on his feeding journey.

Lots of Love,
Shelly

No More Drama!

On Sunday post the blog post we found out that Keller has a groin hernia and there was a possibility that he had MRSA. Awesome...I found my breaking point. Until they had the test results back, Kell was going to be put into isolation which means that the nurses were going to suit up in a sterile gown and gloves upon entering his room. We would not be allowed to go to public areas of the NICU which included the nourishment room where I get my ice water through out the day and would only be permitted to go straight to Kell's room and then straight home, no dilly dallying for us.

Upon our arrival on Monday a big chest of drawers filled with special gowns was outside of Kell's door that was decorated with a bright orange hazard and red STOP signs. Micah and I felt dirty and itchy as we sat in Kell's now sad little room. It was awful. With everything we have been through in the past 6 weeks this was the straw that was breaking my back. I tried so hard to keep my spirits up and focus in on God, but I struggled. I wanted to grab Kell and crawl into a dark little hole and cry. My poor baby, my poor self, blah, blah, blah....I was totally in the bitter barn and I hated it but I couldn't seem to get myself out. I prayed but they were angry prayers. Praise God that he didn't hold those against me because when I arrived at the NICU today I was greeted by a blank door & hallway.

Unfortunately, Kell has a staph infection but it's NOT MRSA and his hernia is "soft" (they can easily push it up from his groin back into his abdomen.) They will continue to monitor it but the hope is that it remains soft and it can wait until after he is discharged to be repaired surgically. So even with all the drama the past couple days we can breathe a sign of relief! Keller is still on track for now to come home close to his due date (April 17th), but I'm not really focusing on that. Instead, my focus is on our daily cuddles, Kell's progress day by day, moment to moment.

Keep praying for my sweet little guy! He's 32 weeks gestationally today...wahoo!

Lots of Love,
Shelly

6 Weeks

Our sweet boy is 6 weeks old and is doing pretty well. On Thursday the Dr. happily pronounced Keller's team meeting a boring one. Kell is doing well on his hi flow nasal cannula, he's handling his feeds well (up to 28 extra calories per feeding, off continual feeds, now gets 30 mls over the course of an hour every 3 hrs), he's gaining weight ( 3lbs. 5 oz.), and had his first visit from the ophthalmologist. I was actually here for Keller's first eye appointment on Wednesday. The ophthalmologist was very nice and explained that Keller is at risk for having retinopathy of prematurity (ROP) which is where the development of the retina is disturbed. He will be back to check the growth of the blood vessels that are supposed to grow in the retina every two weeks. Preemies can have abnormal blood vessel growth which can cause scarring and damage to the retina which can worse case scenario cause detachment of the retina and blindness. After Keller's eye check up the ophthalmologist said that so far there wasn't any sign of ROP so far and we are praying that he won't develop it.

 

On Wednesday I had my 6 week check up with Dr. Walker, he commented on how he couldn't believe it had already been 6 weeks. I laughed and said that it felt like a lifetime ago that I had the twins instead of mere weeks. My sense of time is all messed up. My life is now divided into mini segments that all feel like lifetimes of their own. My life pre-pregnancy as a full time working mommy with two crazy, fun little boys; my life pregnant with gasp...twins!; my life as a patient at Evergreen praying to hold off on delivery as long as possible; my life in the OR delivering two micro-preemies at 25 weeks & 2 days; my life as mother of four with micro-preemie twins in the NICU; my life mother of ? (3 earthly & 1 heavenly? or still 4 or 3 or ?) with one micro-preemie in the NICU. I wonder if my sense of time will return one day or if this period in my life will always be chopped up...something else to add to the wait and see list.





Keller's First Bath

I got to give Keller his first bath on Thursday. It was terrifyingly awesome! When his bath was planned I had envisioned the nurse giving the bath while I took pictures. I never dreamed that I would be the bather, but I was handed one naked little Keller wrapped in a warm blanket ready to go. My heart was pumping out of my chest, but the nurse just kept encouraging me and we made it through!  I had to gently rock Kell down into the little tub until his bottom was on the floor of the tub. I then opened his blanket and washed him. Upon turning him over to wash his backside I realized that he now is the proud owner of two real butt cheeks! No longer does his have the sad little flat thing, he's on his way to a nice little booty! Kell enjoyed his bath and was making the cutest ooh face throughout the whole thing. After the bath the nurse dried him off, diapered him, and then handed him back to me for some mama cuddle time. I am excited for Micah to share this experience with us next time.

 

Daddy's First Hold

 

Micah held Kell for the first time yesterday. I loved seeing the two of them together! Keller cuddled with Micah for 3 hours and spent quite a while just gazing up at his Daddy with such love in his little eyes. It was incredibly healing for me just seeing the two of them together. The experience was a mixed bag for Micah. Hard to be holding Kell knowing he couldn't hold Sky, but also nice to be able to bond with his sweet little guy. They had a fabulous reunion today for about an hour and it was much easier for Micah to hold him today. I think every time it will get easier and easier.

 

Gray and Ash are overall doing pretty well. Gray has his moments (like the rest of us) where he's sad and cries, but thankfully for the most part he's a regular resilient kid. Each night at dinner we get the run down on his day at school complete with the number of times he gets to see Mrs. Piper (his teacher from last year) to say hi or get a hug. Hearing him talk about how he looks forward to seeing her reminds me of why I became a teacher myself. Teachers have such an incredible impact on kids and its so amazing to watch those relationships as a parent. All of his friends have been great too. Micah and I so greatly appreciate the conversations that must have gone on at home to help the other kids be prepared to see Grayson for the first time and how to relate to him. He feels like his regular self with them and that's exactly what he wanted.

 

Asher is his fabulous crazy little self. He loves his new school, but often asks when he can go visit Kathy's to see his friends. His preschool teacher reported that he is very social and has adjusted well. He's really in to telling stories to anyone who will listen. They are crazy stories about a sandwich eating T-Rex or alien visits. He usually ends then with, "That's my story. What's your story?" this is his way of asking about your day and not an imaginary story like his. This is also very confusing time for Ash. He asks me several times a day if I remember when mommy and daddy were holding baby Skyler and crying. He also is curious where the other baby went when we enter Keller's room each day. He holds two of his little fingers up and tells me that we're supposed to have two babies. I remind him that Sky is up in Heaven with Jesus. Sometimes he accepts this and then he moves on to what snacks he wants out of the mini fridge in Kell's room other times he asks if Sky is really up in Heaven with Jesus or if he still in the other room under the blanket. Such heartbreaking things to talk about with your four year old.

         

 

Micah and I are making our way through this journey one step at a time. We have our moments...good ones and not so good ones. Our hearts feel like there is a Sky sized hole in them and we're not sure how that hole will heal. It's nice to know that God's got it. He has all of it and is carrying us through.

 

Thanks so much for all of your love and support we greatly appreciate it!

 

Lots of Love,

Shelly

Goodbye Sky

We had a small ceremony on Saturday were our entire family went on a 1 mile hike to an old railroad trestle that Shelly and I used to hike to when Grayson was a baby.  It is a beautiful location with a creek that leads to the Snoqualmie River.  My cousin Steve shared some words out of the Bible and said a prayer before we let Skyler’s ashes fall from trestle to the creek below. It was a very special moment for the entire family and everyone tossed in flowers to say goodbye to Skyler.  It was a sad day but I think everyone felt God’s presence and was happy to know Skyler was no longer in pain; that he was safe in Heaven.

After the ceremony we went to our friend’s house for a little get together with a few close friends and family.  It was amazing to see how many people love our family and little Skyler even though most of them had never met him.  We are truly grateful for all our friends and family who have loved, supported and prayed for us.  This has been a difficult time for us but without all of you I don’t know how we would have made it through. 

Years ago we had Grayson and Asher dedicated at our church.  In part of the dedication process the pastor asked the church congregation if they will love and help raise our boys in a community that loves God.  The whole church, along with members of our family, said “We will”.  Keller and Skyler were never officially dedicated in front of a church but all of you have showed great love combined with great prayer for my boys and I am forever thankful to you.

Thank you

Micah

Hi Flow!

An update from Shelly this  morning!

Keller is doing well on the "hi flow". They're giving him extra boosts of caffeine to help him have the energy to keep his breathing going. I couldn't be prouder of how well he's doing.  He's such a sweet boy so happy to see Asher and me this morning! Can't wait to go back this evening and hold him!!!

Lots of Love,

Shelly

Celebration

What a week...sigh. I want to thank everyone for their prayers for our family. Saturday was a really tough day for us, but it also was a beautiful one. We are so blessed to have had the precious time we had with Sky. We want to publicly thank Michelle Enebo for dropping everything on Saturday and spending hours capturing our last day with Sky through the most beautiful photographs. We will truly treasure these stunning photos forever. God made sure that we had the most amazing team for that day. Dr. Beckstrom was the neonatologist and was absolutely fabulous! Glenda was Sky's day nurse and Kristen was his night nurse. We really couldn't have asked for more. 

As for how we are doing...well, we all have our moments but we're going to get through this and be ok. The NICU staff has been amazing this week and we are so blessed to have such wonderful people caring for our family. We are going to have a private celebration for Skyler this weekend and we're looking forward to what God has in store for our family's future.

When we arrived on Sunday, Kell was moved to a new room. I just couldn't stand the thought of sitting in the old room everyday without Skyler. The staff moved not only Kell and all of his stuff but our personal things as well. His new room is smaller but we all like it a lot. It much brighter than the old one with two windows and has a nice calm energy. The room is so quiet without Skyler's oscillating ventilator vibrating loudly. While it is more peaceful it is also hard to get used to being in such a quiet room. I made Kell a special valentine edition sign for his room door. Skyler's name is on a heart with angel wings, very fitting since he's our little angel now.

Keller has had a great last couple of days and was extubated off of his ventilator and put onto a hi flow nasal cannula around 8:30 this morning. He has done really well so far and is not receiving any extra oxygen just extra pressure to help keep his lungs from collapsing. Yesterday, he gave me a little scare with his lower than normal heart rate (it was still in the normal range it was just not as high as he normally is so I was worried) but it is back to his normal today. I got to hold him today and it was once again an awesome experience. I loved getting to listen to his little squeaks as he cuddled into my chest. He has a mini pacifier that he loves to suck on and he spent much of his time with me sucking away on it. It seriously is the cutest thing listening to his little sucking noises. Asher was with us today while I was holding Kell and man was he jealous! Once Kell was back in his little isolette I held Asher for a few minutes to give him a turn with mommy. We're all so thankful for Kell's progress this week and are praying that it continues. 

Thanks again for all of your love, support, & prayers for our little guy!

Lots of Love,

Shelly

Letter to Sky

Skyler Gabriel Dolen: 1/5/2012 - 2/4/2012

A letter to my son

2/5/2012

Dear Beautiful, Sweet Skyler Gabriel Dolen, 

My heart was broken yesterday in ways that words cannot describe.  I can easily say it was the worst day of my life.  Yesterday was the day you gave up your amazing fight for life.  Your body was not as strong as your spirit.  You were a fighter, from in the womb, struggling to get enough blood, to fighting for air with lungs that could not give you the oxygen you needed. Tears roll down my face as I think of you struggling, but you kept fighting. The day you were born Dr. Walker told us that he could not believe you made it as long as you did and the reason we still have Keller is because you were helping carry his load.  If you had not been so strong we would not have Keller. I am eternally thankful to you for taking care of your brother.

I want to tell you about some of the people that you will be missing out on here on earth.  Though most of those people were in the hospital with you in your final moments I would like to tell you a little more about them. 

Your brothers are amazing boys, Grayson Michael, Asher Isaac, and Keller Isaiah.

Grayson is your 9 year old brother he is so handsome with big brown eyes and a heart stopping smile.  He is such a happy guy who is an amazing artist, great at sports and loves getting his “look” just right.  Everyone loves to be around him and he is the best big brother in the whole world.  He has a soft spot in his heart for little kids and they love him too.  Grayson is excited that both of you have middle names that were named after angels.

Asher is your 4 year old brother he has beautiful blue eyes and a laugh that makes everyone laugh along.  He is so funny and has a twisted sense of humor, but I love it.  He is a bit of a daredevil but he is also such a lover and gives the best hugs.  He always has a twinkle in his eye that makes me a happy daddy.  He was born with his trademark, crazy hair, and he would not be the same without it.  When people see his hair and learn his personality they realize it was a match made in heaven.

Keller, who’s name means Little Champion, is your identical twin brother so he is obviously beautiful.  He, like you, is a fighter. You guys were so strong together it breaks my heart that he will not have you here on earth.  You guys have gone through some tough times together and you have a bond that will never be broken.  The nurse told us today that as you were fighting for life last night that Keller was restless and need some extra support, but once you left your body and were no longer in pain he relaxed and had the best night he has had so far.  He was hurting for you.

I am your Daddy and I married your Mommy and had you and your brothers and I feel like the luckiest man in the whole world.  I love you boys and Mommy so much and I work hard to take care of and protect all of you.  I want you to grow up knowing that God gave you to me and Mommy to take care of while here on earth until you go back to be with Him and Jesus, his son.  God loves you just as much as Mommy and me.

I want to tell you about your Papa Mike.  He is my Daddy and he taught me how to be a good Daddy and a good man.  I wish I could have taught you how to be as good as a man as he is.  He taught me about God.  He loves me and he lives and breathes for his grandsons.  He, like you got a body that is not as tough as his spirit but thankfully he is a fighter like you and Keller.

Your Mommy is the most amazing and beautiful woman on this whole earth and I am so lucky that she chose me to spend her life with.  She is so funny she makes me laugh more than anyone else I have ever met.  Mommy and I have a lot of fun together but our favorite thing in the whole world is our boys.  Your Mommy spends all day and night thinking about you and your brothers.  Everything from fun games to play, special crafts to make to fun activities to do.  She lives and breathes for you 4 boys.  If there is one wish that I could have come true it would be for you to spend more time with her.  I wish she could rock you and sing you to sleep every night.  She is truly amazing. 

Skyler Gabriel- That’s your name.  Skyler means “to give shelter” and “protector” which is fitting for what you did for Keller.  Gabriel is your middle name because of the Angle Gabriel.  In Luke 1 the Angle Gabriel told Mary “do not be afraid” that she was going to have the Son of God and to name him Jesus.  This name is perfect for you because now you are my angle until we are together again with Jesus.  You gave Mommy and me the best gift we have ever received.  In your final hour of live you had a 10 minute burst of energy where you locked eyes with Mommy and me and tried to squeak out little noises.  I will never forget the look in your eyes.  You were not scared at all.  You looked so peaceful, like a little 1lb angle.  Your eyes told us not to be afraid, you were fine and that we would see you again.  I think you would have smiled if you didn’t have tape over your mouth holding your vent tubing in.  You were stronger than us and it was the best moment of my life within the worst moment of my life, but I thank you for it.  I am so thankful that I was able to catch part of that moment on video.  It has become the most prized possession of my life though I have not been strong enough to watch it.  I love the video, but it is also the most painful thing I have ever seen knowing it is the final moments of your life.  I will never forget the moments when the doctors pulled out your vents and let us hold you as your spirit left your body.  After Mommy and I each took turns holding you for the first and last time I kissed you on the forehead one final time and laid you in your bed and covered you up.  I can still feel your soft skin on my lips and wish I could kiss you again and again.

As I close this letter it is not the end of us.  I will think of you every day and I want to make a promise to you.  From time to time I will take my car out for a drive and that will be our time.  You sit in the passenger seat and I will teach you about cars and tell you about things here on earth and you can tell me what heaven is like.  It is so hard for me right now because I want to be in two places at the same time, here on earth with your Mommy and brothers and in heaven with you and Jesus, but until Jesus calls me home I need to take care of the rest of our family.   I know that when I finally come home you will be waiting for me with open arms. 

I can now start to understand the gift that God gave to mankind sacrificing his Son Jesus to suffer and die on a cross for our sins.  It is a pain that no father should feel.  But He loved us so much that he was willing to make that sacrifice. Being human, I could never let my baby boy suffer like that for someone else. You are too precious to me.

I no longer fear death knowing you are waiting for me, my little protector, Skyler Gabriel Dolen.

I will see you soon.

Love,

Daddy

One Month

It can be hard to understand why God does certain things, but having faith in him means that you keep that faith no matter what the outcome. A good friend wrote this to me after hearing about Sky.

"God always answers prayer. Sometimes He says yes, sometimes He says not now, and sometimes He does say no. We don't always know his reasons but we do know the character of God. He's a good God. Supremely good. Knowing that, we can be 100% confident that He is weaving all things for good and His kingdom. And knowing that, we can be 100% confident Skyler is running, jumping, and laughing with Jesus. I can't wait to meet this little guy and run and jump and laugh with him." - Jeremy Wang

Today I have realized that while this is not the answer we were hoping for, it was God's answer. I have seen so many messages from people who have been touched by this story and I know that Sky did have a purpose here. He touched so many lives, helped people realize what's important in life, and even brought some people closer to God. I think that's pretty amazing for our little fighter Sky!! I love you Sky, and I will think of you often. You hold a special place in my heart and I can't wait for the day I too get to be with you in Heaven!

My parents came over today with the big boys to watch the Super Bowl. We had a good day with them and they seem to be handling all this very well. Micah and Shelly spent the day at the hospital. They have a new room in the NICU for Keller. During all the commotion last night Keller's monitor showed he was struggling as well, but after his brother went to be in Heaven, his vitals improved and he had the best night he's had! It was like he knew something was going on and was right there with his brother for a period of time. Shelly got to hold Keller today and she said he's getting really strong and was moving his head all around. His breathing is improving and they are thinking that on Wednesday they'll try the CPAP again so tomorrow they will start him on his caffeine drip ;)  There is still a long journey for Keller, but today things were good and I think that's just what Micah and Shelly needed.

Micah and Shelly are two of the strongest people I know and love. They are amazing parents and it's so inspiring to see them walk this path. I know they are still hurting and grieving the loss, but I do see hope in their eyes for the road that lays a head. Should Patrick and I decide to be parents some day I can only hope to be as great of parents as they are!

I feel so blessed to have this family. I love them so much!

Good night and thank you all for the continued support, prayers, and comfort you're all offering our family!

-Auntie Kylah 

Into Heaven

It is with a heavy heart that I write this...

Skyler Gabriel Dolen has been scooped up by God's loving hands. We last updated that Sky's heart beat had dropped and he was just getting tired of fighting. When I got to the hospital I touched up Shelly's make-up and sat back and watched as she and Micah shared some special moments with their precious little man. Though his body was shutting down he made a few last efforts to open his eyes and be in the moment with his parents. Micah asked for the big boys to come see their brother and it was emotional for them as well. Asher didn't quite understand, but Grayson was struck with emotion and didn't want his brother to leave.

We gathered as a family and watched as Shelly comforted Skyler in her arms until he took his last breath. I can't even describe the emotion that swept the room, but Skyler's face was that of peace. For almost one month we've had the pleasure of knowing Skyler. He was quite the fighter. He's in good hands now and I know he will be waiting for his parents and brothers to see and play with them some day in Heaven.

A prayer sent to me by Erin that I had to share:

"Jesus, wrap your strong and loving arms around sweet baby Skyler as you carry him away from any pain and into the peaceful kingdom of heaven. Deliver him into his heavenly Father, and lay your healing hands on the hearts of his family as they hand him over to you."

Thanks for your continued support and prayers.

-Auntie Kylah

Heart rate dropping

I just got a text from Shelly and it said...

Sky's heart rate is dropping. This is new & scary. His body could be showing us the fight is too much.

PLEASE PRAY

-Shelly

Matchbox Cars

Update from Shelly just now....

Early this afternoon We took a field trip to Swedish Issaquah to get some stuff so Micah could work from here today. It's good for him to keep busy it drives him crazy to sit and watch the monitors. When we walked in Dr. Lawson happened to be standing right there to give us the formal night- morning update. Sky is critically stable. He's still having breathing dips but he's at 50% oxygen now and yesterday he was at 100%. (21% is what we breathe) We all are going to leave him alone as much as possible today to let him rest, grow, & heal. They are upping his calories to 26 calories per hour (his feeding volume will stay at 5ccs they are just adding extra calories) to help him grow (pray for lung & kidney growth). He loves to eat & excels at tolerating his feeds & pooping. (The big boys love that he poops a lot.) He has had good urine output for the last 24 hrs despite all the other drama. I just praise God for this day with Sky and the sense of hope we have for today. As we were walking in the sky was clear and blue. I take that as a sign for a better day and so far it is one! Pray that, that continues. 

Kell is doing well. They are planning on trying the CPAP again soon (maybe early next week). He's a good eater, too. He eats 8ccs per hour with 27 calories (see how impressive Sky's eating is!?!) added. He's starting to plump up a bit which is awesome to see. He's reached the milestone of surpassing his birthweight. Micah was able to catch Kell being alert & social on video today. I love seeing his facial expressions. He tuckered himself out and is now napping. 

Micah and I are having a much better day today. Micah brought the boys their first matchbox cars. Sky's is a black & green '71 Mustang and Kell's is a red '71 Maverick. They are hanging above their isolettes. Typical Micah trying to make them into little gear heads already! Yesterday, I made a big mistake....I said that I would buy Sky a motorcycle, a gun, a knife, a car, a sharp stick, and a pair of scissors he could run with if he'd just be a healthy boy. Micah will not forget that and is probably shopping for motorcycles as I type this...have I learned nothing in our 10 years of marriage!?! 

Thank you all for your prayers! We're so thankful for a better day today and are praying to heading out of the critical phase soon. We so desire to bring home two healthy boys to create the blissful chaos of a four boy household. Bring on the melamine dishes and carpet cleaner!  

Lots of Love,

Shelly

The best gift...

I got this email from Shelly last night...

A few weeks ago, a mommy friend contacted my friend, Jessica, to tell her about Pictures of Hope (local photographers come to the NICU and donate the gift of those precious newborn pictures) Jessica, being the little researcher that she is, looked into it right away only to find out that a friend of hers was one of the photographers. She called me to see if I would be okay with her connecting the two of us and of course I was. Mimi Inglin (Inglin Photography) came to the NICU on Jan. 24th for the boys first photo shoot. Mimi was fabulous! It was her first NICU shoot and she was so flexible with all the constraints that go with being here. It can be a little scary for people to see babies so small hooked up to wires and tubes but she took it all in stride not showing it at all if she was a little freaked out.

Today has just been a yucky day. I have been avoiding my e-mail mostly in the hopes to not cry for the millionth time today, (I swear I have broken a seal in my tear ducts and now I can't stop it!) but this evening tucked in my inbox was the perfect 4 week gift....a slide show of the boys photo shoot. While I did cry, it was tears of joy. God has given me such beautiful boys and I am so thankful for the amazing gift of fabulous pictures of them!

http://www.inglinphotography.com/slideshows/dolen

*The slideshow starts with Keller then goes to Sky. After Sky there is a picture of me and Doug's back (the respiratory therapist that day) we are both standing by Keller's isolette and Sky's is the one with the blanket over the top. (This is how both of the boys spent the majority of their days.) The slide show ends with photos of Keller getting his cares and new tape for his tube. 

Lots of Love,

Shelly

I believe in miracles

Update from Shelly...

Sky is swinging between critical & critically critical. He is receiving all the support they have to offer him so we're praying God has a miracle in store for him. We had conversations today that I hope to never have again. They left both Micah & I emotionally exhausted. Glenda is Sky's nurse today and she lifted the lid off & put down the sides of the isolette so I could give him some kisses and be close to him. I soaked him in...his smell; he has the most beautiful long eyelashes, his long delicate fingers & toes; his soft (& fuzzy) skin, his light brown hair smoothed down by laying in his little bed; baby perfection. He tolerated our short time well and it was an amazing gift for me. It has been such an emotional day to say the least, not quite the way I thought we were going to ring in the twins turning 4 weeks old. Praying for miracles for my sweet little Sky.

Lots of Love,


Shelly

It's not looking good...

JUST IN FROM SHELLY....


Sky is fighting so hard but it's not looking good. The Dr actually said, "I'm really worried about Skyler. If there is one more bump he's not going to make it."


PLEASE PRAY!!!

I am your Shield

Update from last night...

Today was a good day just as I expected! Micah and I are doing this awesome devotional together it's called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. Each night I read the one for the next day so we can let it marinate and wake up with a renewed focus on Him. Today's devotional said, "I am your strength and shield. I plan out each day and have it ready for you long before you arise from bed. I also provide the strength you need each step of the way. Instead of assessing your energy level and wondering about what's on the road ahead, concentrate on staying in touch with Me. My power flows freely into you through our open communication. Refuse to waste energy worrying and you will have strength to spare.

Whenever you start to feel afraid, remember that I am your Shield. But unlike inanimate armor, I am always alert and active. My Presence watches over you continually, protecting you from both the known and unknown dangers. Entrust yourself to My watchcare, which is the best security system available. I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go."

Psalm 28:7; Matthew 6:34; Psalm 56:3-4; Genesis 28: 15 Isn't it good!?!

Now for the update on our sweet boys!

Sky is back on a low dose of dopamine. His urine output had dropped again and was back up after the dopamine had a chance to kick in. I guess the low dose was doing something after all! The cardiologist from Children's ordered another echo for tomorrow to try to pin point the exact effects the PDA is having on Sky's lungs. Overall, he had a good day. I pray for another one tomorrow.

Keller was feeling much better today. He was scooting his little body around his isolette. He loves to keep the respiratory therapists busy!  Doug (today's respiratory therapist) scored me a diaper change for Kell today. While he was in to check Kell's vent the nurse said she needed to change his diaper. Doug said that I knew how and that I should do it. I was thrilled when she agreed to let me. It was wonderful to get called off the bench to care for one of my boys. Kell greeted me with wide eyes and a finger grab. (Oh how he melts my heart!!) I'm hoping for some cuddles tomorrow!!

Thanks for all of your prayers!

Lots of Love,

Shelly